Twenty-Two and Not a Clue What To Do

I’m twenty-two and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do about friendships, relationships, my career, I’m just confused.  Sometimes I feel as if I am on the straight path and other times I am like “Tay-Tay what are you doing”. I sometimes compare myself to others even though I know that is something I should not do. If you would have asked me where I would be at the age of twenty-two, five years ago I would have given you a totally different story than the reality I am currently living. I expected to be finished with school and working on opening my own children’s home. I always said I would be married by twenty-three, let’s all laugh together because I am nowhere near that. It racks my brain because I expected to have it all figured out by now, but the truth is I’m twenty-two and I don’t know what to do. I am getting older and all I want is to be surrounded by love, support, and positive vibes. I know that in life we outgrow some people, but sometimes it’s hard to come to that reality. I sit and reminisce about some of the memories I have shared with some people and it blurs my vision of what the reality is. I ignore the signs of the toxic relationships in hopes that things will just go back to how they were before. I begin to then question myself; should I let go of the people who could be toxic? Should I hold on to the relationships, hoping they change? I know that when the bad begins to outweigh the good, I should let go, so that’s what I should do. With me having to take some time out of school, I found myself down and out, constantly questioning my purpose. I had set goals for myself based on me being in college and having my degree. So I began to question myself, what am I going to do now. I know that there are so many options out there, so I began to think of other things I could do. I even looked into going to school for aesthetics but nothing seemed to fall through. About a year ago I decided I wanted to start a blog. I made a few post but I didn’t take it serious. At the time I really did not see how talking about my life could help others. More time went by and I still did not know what to do. I kept making some posts on the blog and got some pretty good feedback, that’s when I decided maybe I should take it serious. I remember calling my mom back in August and I was telling her about how I wanted to buy my domain and launch my website The next week I purchased my domain. I then began to prepare of my website launch photo shoot. I thought about cancelling the shoot and getting my money back for my domain 1000 times. I talked to a few people about my ideas and they just did not seem excited for me. I began to question myself. What if this is a waste of time? What if nobody reads it? What if I have no support? I eventually decided to go through with it anyways. When the day of the shoot finally came I had so many mixed emotions, happy, excited, nervous, and scared. When it was time to leave for the shoot, I looked around the house at everyone that was there and began to get emotional I finally realized that they were all the support I needed, the house was filled with REAL  love and support. To know I had a team behind me that believed in me was a great feeling, at that moment I knew I had made the right choice. I finally knew what to do. My goal is to let men and woman, boys and girls, know that they are not alone. Everyone has a voice and they should use it. God has a plan for me, so the plan I had for myself had to fall through the cracks because that was not my purpose. I had to realize that I had to let the opinion of others not have such a huge impact on my decisions making. Everyone will not like or even understand all the decisions we make in life, everyone won’t be happy for you, I learned that the hard way. I have so many ideas, and for years I have been standing in the way of myself. I put off so many good ideas because I was scared of failure, rejection, or what people might think or say. I’m twenty two and I starting to figure out what I should do. It’s okay to not know what to do sometimes. In the years you do not know what to do that’s when you begin to find yourself, well at least I did. I have so much up my sleeve and I can’t wait to share it, so stay tuned.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” –Proverbs 3:5-6

- TaylorNycole